Carla Miller [00:00:02]:
Ever been in a meeting where you're sharing an idea or something you've worked on and suddenly someone pushes back? Maybe they say, I don't see how that would work, or hit you with a question you weren't expecting. It's that moment where everything pauses and you're thinking, how do I respond? Without sounding defensive or totally thrown. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. In today's episode, I'm talking about how to handle objections and tricky questions in meetings without losing your call. I'll walk you through practical ways to respond with confidence, to keep the conversation constructive, and to even use those moments to strengthen your credibility. I'm Carla Miller, Leadership Coach and host of Influence and Impact for Leaders. This podcast helps leaders like you increase your impact and build a happy and high performing team. Each episode delivers focused, actionable insights you can implement immediately to be better at your job without working harder.

Carla Miller [00:01:03]:
Ready to be more impactful in meetings? Let's get started. Now, those of you that have been listeners for a while know that I like to provide a little bit of a general update about what's going on in my life in these episodes, but I am batch recording these before the summer holidays because I messed up my summer holidays childcare and won't be working all that much, or at least not during the day in the summer holidays. So I can tell you what's happening before the summer holidays, which is lots of work on management training for clients, which is great. That's something I've been doing the last couple of years and I'm keen to do more of working with Lara on impactful teams which you will have heard about in the previous episode and I'm super excited about and training for the Great north run, which has had a bit of a setback in that I've been feeling really exhausted thanks to some HRT changes that I am experiencing and I've had some back issues but is getting back on track. So I will be there. I will definitely be there at the Great North Run. How fast I'll be running and how much running versus walking will be going on. Too soon to tell.

Carla Miller [00:02:12]:
But yes, hopefully as you listen to this, I will be progressing beautifully with my training. Okay, so let's talk about handling objections and challenging questions in meetings. And whenever I talk about this topic, the first flashback that always comes to me is sitting in the room of my first board meeting as a director. So I'd been hired in my first director role as Director of Fundraising and Marketing and I was presenting a fundraising strategy that was not what they were expecting. The organization had been through a huge amount of turmoil and had lost a lot of its supporters just before I arrived, but thought that it could still raise the same amount of money. And I was going to have to tell the trustees that they should not budget on the assumption that that same amount of money was coming in anyway. My team and I had worked really hard on this fundraising strategy. We were very excited about it.

Carla Miller [00:03:10]:
And when the questions came at me, some loaded, some just questions, I found myself feeling extremely defensive. Whether I was thinking, do they really think I don't know what I'm doing if I hadn't thought of that, or don't they think I've done my research before? I suggested that, don't they think I considered that options? Basically all of these questions were coming at me. And instead of making it about those people and their questions and their quest for information because they were trustees, they were being held responsible for what was going on. They were all very valid, reasonable questions, even those that had a little bit of an edge to them, I made it about me and whether or not I was good enough. My inner critic was very, very firmly on my shoulder and in my head in that meeting. I found myself getting really quite defensive in my response and quite high pitched and fast in terms of how I was speaking as well. And I look back on that and realize how far I've come now, because whilst my natural instinct is still to get defensive and to get a little bit squeaky, I am now really quickly able to switch my mind frame to kick that inner critic out of the meeting and to respond rather than react in those sorts of meetings. And indeed to turn it into an opportunity to strengthen my credibility, which I absolutely did not do in the first big meeting I had with the board.

Carla Miller [00:04:46]:
So why do objections, difficult questions, why do they rattle us so much in meetings? Because we do exactly what I did, which is we make them into a judgment about us. Or we go to a worst case scenario in our head and think, well, if I can't get them on board, I shouldn't be in this role. Maybe this is all going to fail. I'm going to end up on the streets with no money. And we find ourselves triggered. And when we're triggered, we find ourselves reacting because there's all the cortisol and adrenaline flooding through our body which brings those physical reactions and impacts how we show up in a meeting. And objections and difficult questions can either create or exacerbate existing imposter feelings as well. Now this is different for different people.

Carla Miller [00:05:39]:
And when I'm coaching clients, we explore exactly what goes on in their heads, how they can understand themselves and the other people in the room better, and how they can learn to respond rather than react in that situation. And that is the joy of having a coach, to be honest, someone who's on your side. A safe space that can also help you to look in the mirror and see where perhaps you might have been contributing to to a situation, but also see your strengths and what you bring to the role. So a couple of things to think about if you're feeling rattled by objections. First of all, just a couple of reframes. So a big reframe that helped me and helps a lot of my clients is their questions are basically that person trying to get the information that they need in a format that works for them. They are trying to make sense of what you've said, fit it into their world, and what else they already know and make a decision or recommendation or come to some kind of conclusion on it. So their questions are not actively trying to undermine you.

Carla Miller [00:06:48]:
They're simply seeking more information. And you might think, well, I already told them that, well, maybe it didn't land. Maybe they need to hear it in a different way. So definitely think about how you can communicate what you've already said differently. Reinforcing what you've said by saying it multiple times is not going to help. If it didn't land properly the first time, it might be something that makes sense to you but doesn't make sense to them. For example, the second thing to think about is those questions. That's engagement.

Carla Miller [00:07:22]:
People object or raise questions when they care, when they're interested. If they weren't, they'd be just totally checked out and zoned out. They wouldn't be asking those questions. So getting questions is actually a positive thing, even if they're not the questions you would have ideally liked. It's showing that people are engaging with what you have to say. And this is also a good time to remind you of what we covered in episode 184, which is confidence is not about having all the answers in those scenarios. It's about how you respond to when you don't necessarily have the answer to those questions. What we're going to look at now are some common types of challenging questions and how you deal with those.

Carla Miller [00:08:08]:
So there's some little Personas that we can use to do that. I'm going to cover four of those. So one Persona is the skeptic, the person that doesn't Think it's possible that says, I'm not sure that's realistic. Another difficult thing to handle in meetings is the interrupter. They jump in mid flow with a pointed question. They're using that opportunity to make their own point. The third one is the detail digger, asking for numbers, data, proof, and they'd like it right now, please. And finally, the opposer, someone who openly disagrees or challenges your whole premise.

Carla Miller [00:08:43]:
These are the more challenging personalities that you might see in meetings. You're also going to have a whole load of people that are a little bit simpler and just need their information in a different way. But let's talk about some of these more challenging Personas that you might deal with. So let's explore number one, the skeptic who says, I'm not sure that's realistic. They're expressing doubt about whatever it is you've proposed. Now, this could be based on a number of different things and you don't know which it is. So they might have information or access to knowledge or insights that you don't have. So they might be making a very, very valid point.

Carla Miller [00:09:22]:
They might have past experience that impacts how they're showing up as regards this issue. They might have a low tolerance for risk or a fixed mindset. So what you want to do with a skeptic is you want to reframe and build credibility. So you want to acknowledge their concern without defensiveness, because their concerns may well be valid. They because like I say, they may well know things that you don't know, don't have access to. It's also just important not to be defensive. Being defensive sets up that relationship, that interaction, in a negative way. So acknowledge the concern without defensiveness.

Carla Miller [00:10:03]:
Then what you can do is you can share your assumptions, how you came to the conclusions, you came to show how you believe it's possible taking these steps, or based on these facts, or based on these examples, you're basically talking through why you think it will work and then invite collaboration to make it feel more achievable. So you could offer to work it through together offline. So rather than dive deep into that in a meeting, perhaps it's one particular point of what you proposed. You can say, I hear your concerns, let's talk those through in a separate meeting. Some phrases you might want to use are, that's a fair question, here's why we've gone down that route, or let me walk you through step by step what we plan to do. And we can identify any issues that might need a bit more thought or just Asking which part is concerning you? Let's have a look at that together. Don't see their skepticism as rejection automatically. What it is, is it's an opportunity for you to understand a different perspective on this, understand any valid objections or concerns about your plan and to talk through it.

Carla Miller [00:11:14]:
So that's the skeptic. Then there's the interrupter who jumps in mid flow with a pointed question. Now again, who knows what's driving this? They might have a very strong opinion on whatever it is you're presenting and they might have really good reasons for that strong opinion. They might be trying to test you. Some people do funny things for fun in meetings, or they might have a really pressing concern that they don't think can wait. Your strategy here is to stay composed and then when they finish their point, you want to reclaim the floor, the mic, however you want to describe it. You basically want your opportunity to start talking again. So you stay calm, you don't get flustered, you set respectful boundaries whilst keeping the tone professional and you promise to address their question and then follow through.

Carla Miller [00:12:06]:
So you might say things like, great point, let me finish this thought and then I will definitely come back to that. Or I hear your question, it's a valid question, I'll loop back to it in just a minute. So you're basically just not letting them throw you off. The things that you know that you need to communicate, but you're also not diminishing their concern. Your presence and how composed you are dealing with that will earn you more respect than your brain very quickly trying to answer whatever question or challenge they had, which can then take your whole presentation off piste. Basically, then there's someone who is all about the detail, who wants to know where's the data to back this up. About a quarter of us are highly analytical by nature. In order to make our decisions, we need proof, specifics.

Carla Miller [00:12:58]:
We often need that in order to feel reassured about something or to slow down fast moving ideas. So with someone who's after a lot of detail, you want to acknowledge what they're saying and either respond or say that you will come back to them and do that confidently. So stay concise and factual. It's okay to say, I can come back to you on that. I can certainly gather that information and try and respond based on what is known. Don't let the agenda get hijacked by the small thing that isn't known. So you might want to say, the data we have so far shows X or that's something I can follow up on after the meeting. Would that work? Or here's what we do know and this is what we've based our recommendation on.

Carla Miller [00:13:43]:
It's okay not to know everything. If you're not naturally analytical, then this person can bring up some really fantastic data points that would be useful in your decision. So again, if you really important not to be defensive, to be open to those questions. But we also don't have to be apologetic for not having absolutely every detail to hand. And then finally you've got someone who really disagrees with the approach. They're pushing back hard, perhaps they feel strongly, maybe they've got a stake in the outcome, maybe they have quite a dominant communication style. What you want to do is stay curious, try and de escalate and find some common ground so you can acknowledge their view rather than arguing with it. Ask questions to understand their perspective a bit better and try and bring it back to shared goals or outcomes so you can say things.

Carla Miller [00:14:35]:
Thanks for sharing your perspective. Can you tell me more about your concern or interesting. Okay, what might you suggest as an alternative to that? So you're opening up discussion. You're not trying to win an argument. This person likes to win an argument, so there's no point in going to battle with them. You want to try and lead the conversation and turn it into a positive conversation. So recognising the type of question can help you identify which of those strategies to use. But a lot of this comes back to my core point that I always talk about when helping people get more effective at influencing understanding that person and what is driving that that question.

Carla Miller [00:15:22]:
Because then you can speak to that and that's really quite powerful. So there's a little mini framework you can use when it comes to responding called bridge. So this bridge framework, which, to be completely transparent, I made up very much in partnership with ChatGPT. I was like this is good, whose is it? And apparently ChatGpt just co created it with me, so. But I thought actually I quite like it, so I've kept it in. So Bridge. The B in Bridge is breathe and buy time using one of my favourite phrases. That's a great question.

Carla Miller [00:16:02]:
Let me think about that for a moment. The R is to reframe in your head. So to stop you being defensive, remember it's about them, not about you. Or reflect back to them, mirror their objection. So it sounds like your concern is X, Y and Z. The I in Bridge is inform with perspective. So share your thinking, your data or your rationale concisely. The D is defer or delay if needed.

Carla Miller [00:16:32]:
So let me follow up with more detail on that after the meeting or this feels like a longer conversation on a specific part of the proposal. Should we schedule a separate meeting to discuss this in depth? The G is ground the conversation, so bring it back to the overall goal or purpose. And E is engage and invite dialogue. So ask them, what's your take on that? Does that help clarify things? So we've got B breathe and by time, R reframe or reflect, I inform, D defer or delay, G ground the conversation and E engage. I quite like that little one. So if you like an acronym, you might find that helpful. Some practical language to use in the moment. That's a fair point.

Carla Miller [00:17:18]:
Here's how I'm thinking about it. I can see where that concern is coming from. Let's zoom out for a second. What we're trying to achieve here is X. So there are lots of phrases that I have peppered through this episode. Pick the ones that feel authentic to you, but it's quite good to have those in your back pocket if you know that you get flustered in a meeting. And just remember that there are some really simple mindset shifts to help you build confidence. So showing that you value other people's perspectives demonstrates that you're a leader.

Carla Miller [00:17:48]:
It is not easy to sit in a room and be bombarded with challenging questions about something that you have put a lot of time and effort and work into, and your team probably has as well. It is much easier to react and to get defensive or go silent or just try and exit that meeting as quickly as you can. But actually showing a genuine curious interest rather than being defensive means that not only will you look like a leader, but you will also be learning as well. Remember, questions are a sign of influence. And finally, if you can keep your calm, then others will follow your lead. When we lose control over our temper, our emotions, it's really hard to lead others. We end up being led by someone else in the room. So we want to try and keep control if we can.

Carla Miller [00:18:46]:
Okay, so we've covered quite a lot of different things there. We have looked at what's going on in our heads when we get flustered by these difficult questions and challenges. We've looked at some of the common types of challenging questions and how you deal with each of those, and we've looked at a couple of mindset shifts that you can make. This is a huge topic and it fits into all the things I talk about and work with one to one clients on in terms of building your influence and impact as a leader. But hopefully, if you find sitting in those meetings really tricky, you've come away with at least one or two things that you can use to help you feel more confident handling those questions in the future.