Carla Miller [00:00:00]:

Welcome to the Influence and Impact podcast for female leaders. My name's Carla Miller, and I'm a leadership coach who helps female leaders to tackle self doubt, become brilliant influencing, and make more impact at work. I've created this podcast to help you to become a more inspiring and impactful leader, and I want to become the leadership BFF a you didn't know you were missing until now.

Carla Miller [00:00:30]:

Hey. Happy New Year. It's 2024, and this is a short episode that's going to help you reflect on 2023 and start 2024 in the right way. Now it's a different format from normal, but I've got awesome questions for you to ask yourself. So what I want you to do is to find your favorite notebook. If you're like me, you've probably got a choice of them. But find your favorite notebook. Set aside a bit of time if it's not right now.

Carla Miller [00:01:03]:

Set aside a bit of time where you can have some peace and quiet undisturbed Other than maybe an animal to come and curl up on your lap, a nice cup of tea or coffee, maybe even like a biscuit a bit of cake. And spend some time on you and thinking about what you want and thinking about how you've grown as a person. So I've got these prompts for you, journaling prompts. I'm going to read them out, and then I want you to pause after each question and just take the time that you need to write your answer. I'm not gonna do Leave the spaces for that on this episode because it would be very, very hard to judge how long your answer's gonna be for each one of them, and it would make a boring episode. So what I'm gonna do instead is I'm going to share with you each of the questions. So I'll ask a question, you pause, and then you write your answer. And after all of that, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my answers to the questions.

Carla Miller [00:02:03]:

So you don't have to listen to that bit. It may be completely boring for you. Or if you've been listening to my podcast for a while and you feel like you know me, you might be interested to hear some of my questions. Okay. So go grab yourself your notebook, maybe a nice cozy blanket, cup of tea, pen and paper, and we will get started with these questions. So the first question I'd like you to ask yourself is, what have you learned about yourself in 2023. What have you learned about yourself in 2023? And try and answer these questions with love and compassion and self kindness for yourself in your heart, Please. Our second question, what are you proud of yourself for In 2023, you probably tell other people what you're proud of them for, but what are you proud of yourself for in 2023? My next question for you to ask yourself is, which part Or parts of you were a bit neglected in 2023.

Carla Miller [00:03:17]:

So we are people with all different sides to our personalities, and we can get quite stuck in a rut sometimes. And sometimes we can even forget whole parts of our personality. So take a moment and think about which part or parts of you didn't get to come out to play much In 2023. Can then maybe have a think about what parts you'd like to get to come out to play more in 2024. Now one of my favorite coaching questions is our next question. Who are you becoming? Who are you becoming? And I love that question because we're not static. We are evolving and growing and developing, and the world around us is changing all the time. And I think it's a lovely reminder of that.

Carla Miller [00:04:16]:

Now let's start to think about 2024. What are you going to do differently In 2024. You might wanna think of it in terms of what do you want to do more of, what do you want to do less of, What do you never want to do again? And you can decide. You can make that about work, or you can make that about all the different areas of your life. So what are you going to do differently in 2024? And then the next one, you'll know I'm a big fan of boundaries. So have a think about, are there any boundaries you want to set In 2024, this might be boundaries that you're setting for yourself, for example, around, emails, accessing emails in the evening or working, or there might be boundaries that you want to set with other people at work or in life outside of work. Now is that something that you decide you would like to do? Go and check out episode 125, which is all about setting and holding your boundaries, and we did that at the start of 20 23, and there's some very practical tips in there for you. Now when it comes to 2024, Where could you be more open to possibility? Where could you be more open to possibility.

Carla Miller [00:05:40]:

And I asked that question because sometimes we have these stories in our head about what is and isn't possible for us Or in the world. And we can become quite self limiting. And it's just lovely to remember. Oh, there are Infinite numbers of possibilities out there. And in fact, I am infinite potential. The only person limiting me is myself. For me, that's quite a mind blowing idea. So where in your life could you be more open to possibility? Because when we show up differently.

Carla Miller [00:06:14]:

We start experiencing things differently. And then my final 2 questions for you. What would make 2024 at work brilliant for you? So when it comes to work, What would make 2024 brilliant for you? And my final question is a follow-up one to that one. What is the first step you can take to making that happen? That brilliant Life at work that you have just visioned, what's the first step? Could be a teeny, teeny, tiny step. What's the first step to making that happen? And when are you gonna do that? So we've reflected on 2023 and how you have Evolved what you've learned about yourself, what got a little bit neglected maybe, who you're becoming. And then we've looked at How do you want 2024 to be different? How do you want it to be the same? What boundaries do you want to set? What possibilities Are there? So lots to think about there. And maybe think about how you how you can have a reminder of some of the most important things that have come up for you in that reflection. It might be a Post it note.

Carla Miller [00:07:39]:

It might be a phrase or a quote that sums it up. It might be an image of some kind or Vision board. I love a good vision board. But how can you keep that front of mind so you can keep yourself focused on what's important to you in this coming year. Because often, we're focused on what's important to everybody else, and we don't really spend that time thinking about what's important to us. Now If on your list of things to do, you want to make work more brilliant, there are a couple of ways I might be able to help you with that. The first is I do work with a small number of people, 1 to 1, as a coach. So if you're thinking you wanna make the next move, you've just made a move, and you wanna feel more confident, you're struggling with some challenges at work, but you don't want to just walk away.

Carla Miller [00:08:24]:

You're thinking, actually, I just need to have a sounding board for this, and maybe develop some new skills or ways of thinking, then do get in touch with me, to talk about 1 to 1 coaching. And then the other way that I can work with you is through influence and impact, which is coming back in May. I work with up to 20 women within that group. It's normally less than 20, and I take you through all the important things that you need to know to succeed as a woman in the workplace in a senior role. And what I'd like to do now is to share with you some feedback that came from one of the lovely members of a recent cohort of influence and impact about why she joined and what she received from it. And then after that, I'm gonna give you my answers to the questions that I posed you earlier.

Laura [00:09:15]:

Hi. My name is Laura. I wanted to join Influence and Impact because I had some smaller sessions with Carla and the team, and just benefited so much from them that I thought this course would help me even more. The experience was really positive. It's great because you are the one that drives it. So a lot of the course is on your own time with Pamphlets and resources that you can look at and explore on your own. The impact of the program has been great. It's Really boosted my confidence and reassured me that I am a great leader, And it's so nice to hear from other women and, ladies on the course who are experiencing similar issues.

Laura [00:10:07]:

You know, you're not in it alone, So it's really great to, have been part of it. And, yeah, my confidence and just self belief Has improved significantly, and I recommend this to everyone.

Carla Miller [00:10:23]:

So if you want to join Laura and get the benefits Of being part of influence and impact, you can go to my website, and you'll be able to find out more about it then. Okay. So I'm gonna answer these questions now, and I'm actually gonna just do this kind of on the fly. So I like to talk or rather think out loud anyway. So I'm just gonna See what comes up here. And I don't know about you, but when I start to think about 2023, it's actually really hard to think back Beyond the last couple of months, and that might be because I had a very eventful end to 2023, but it just feels like I can't really remember the first half of it. So let's see what comes up. Okay.

Carla Miller [00:11:09]:

So the first question was, what have you learned about yourself? I have learned that I am much more resilient than I give myself credit for. That phrase, and I love the podcast, we can do hard things, has become a bit of a catchphrase in our house the last couple of months, and I really surprised myself by how well I've dealt with some of the things that I thought were really worst case scenario. So what I particularly have in mind, and you will have heard this on the podcast before If you're a regular listener, is that my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes out of the blue in late October this year. He was almost six years old. He is now a proud 6 year old. And when I first had the inklings that that is what it might be, I went into a real panic mode. Like, I could feel the anxiety coming up. And I just thought, how can I how can I cope with this? How can my child cope with this? But when it became a reality, I quickly went into coping mode, and accepted it.

Carla Miller [00:12:21]:

And I think that's that's something I've I've really learned to do through previous struggles is rather than fight the reality of what's happening and get stuck in the why me, why him, this isn't fair, I'm thinking about how awful it is. I try and feel the feelings that come up, and there were quite a few feelings coming up, but then also Accept. Okay. This is my new reality, and so I can fight that or I can just embrace it. And, actually, I already see things in both my son and I that we have, Like, developed as people from what we've gone through, and it's only been a couple of months so far. He's already way more confident and more proud of himself and knows that he can do hard things, and I'm just incredibly proud of him. So I think, fundamentally, what I've learned is that I am much more resilient and possibly a little bit more wise than I give myself Credit for. What am I proud of myself for? I'm proud of myself for making some business Decisions in new ways instead of falling back on old habits.

Carla Miller [00:13:33]:

So spotting the mistakes that I've made in the past and thinking I'm gonna choose to do things differently this time. I'm also proud of myself that I have, learned how to give injections because I really hate injections. And I've become the mummy that my son needed at that point in time. I'm proud of myself that I've managed to scale back on work a bit in the midst of all of this not beat myself up for it. Like, I really have managed to prioritize because I do love work, and my brain loves working More than sometimes, it loves playing imaginary games with a 6 year old, to be honest. And sometimes I worry that those priorities can get a bit out of whack. Actually, I've really shown myself what my priorities are, and my son absolutely comes first. And I've been making Decisions on a daily basis that has put that into action, like, really picking my values front and center.

Carla Miller [00:14:29]:

So I'm proud of myself for that. Which part or parts of you were a bit neglected in 2023? Oh so many parts. I went to a nineties night with Jo Wylie in Coventry with my friends from university, and we'd gone to university at Warwick, which which is right next to Coventry, and went dancing. And I had so much fun, and I was literally there saying I had forgotten I could be fun. I had forgotten there was a fun person in there. And that was a bit had to realize, actually, so that that fun part has massively been neglected. Anything to do with romance and that whole side of my life has massively been neglected, Even though I did go on a few dates this year. And what else what part of me has also been neglected? I think those are the main ones.

Carla Miller [00:15:21]:

And the part of me that is used to having a big group of friends, I have missed my big group of friends. I don't have that up north yet, And I think that part of me has been a bit neglected. Who are you becoming? Oh, do you know what? I have no idea, and that's quite exciting. I am turning 49 in a few days' time, and I'm excited about turning 50. I kind of have this Image in my head of what I want to be like in terms of I want to be, like, physically stronger. I started lifting weights, albeit small weights this year with a personal trainer, and I have Loved that, and it makes me feel more powerful. But I have no idea who I'm becoming. I like the idea that I am Evolving at speed, I think, at the moment.

Carla Miller [00:16:11]:

And I'm not stuck or trapped, with a particular approach to life. Like, I can evolve. So I think that's quite exciting idea. What are you gonna do differently next year? What I did do really well this year for a period of time was I prioritized my health. I managed to get rid of some very unhealthy eating habits and emotional eating and really changed my diet and exercise Sizemore, and then it all went out the window with the diabetes diagnosis. And there always seems to be something. Then my back went, And then I had a really evil cold, but I have basically kind of been eating my feelings in the form of giant Toblerone, and mini cans of coke for the last couple of months. I definitely am gonna do that differently post Christmas.

Carla Miller [00:17:05]:

So, hopefully, by the time you listen to this, I will already be on my health kick. But it It's a health geek that's about making those long term changes, and I I really did make them for a while. And then I think then under crisis, I have reverted back to old habits. I'm gonna do more exercise. I'm gonna do more paddle boarding. I really enjoyed that, and I bought myself a dry rope for Christmas. I'm gonna do less eating of junk food. I'm gonna do less comparing myself to other people in various ways, to what other people have or to what other people seem to be or how successful they seem to be.

Carla Miller [00:17:41]:

And what am I never gonna do again? I mean, the only thing I can think I'm never gonna idea again is skiing and snowboarding, but I vowed that a few years ago after ending a relationship with a snowboard instructor. Okay. Where could you be more open to possibility? I think collaboration. I think I'd love to do collaborations. My head can't really work out yet what that looks like. So I think I could be more open to possibility there. I could be more open to possibility that I could get out of the house More, despite what I see as the restraints and restrictions in terms of childcare, particularly now, I have a child with additional needs. I could be more open to possibility that I could be a sporty person.

Carla Miller [00:18:25]:

I'm more open to possibility that my business could be hugely successful. Like, it it's quite successful. This year has not been as successful as the previous year. And I think I have my own sort of money mindset issues and success issues, and I think I quite like being kind of Vaguely kind of successful ish so that no one criticizes me, and I'm under the radar, and I don't have to deal with some of those issues. But I wanna be open to the possibility, particularly because I have a few new things coming, and 1 new venture I'm excited to start, which could be hugely successful and make an incredible impact, and I think I'm open to the possibility of that. And what would make 2024 at work brilliant for me. I think working with some amazing women, and you might be one of those. If you're listening to this, you are an amazing woman.

Carla Miller [00:19:17]:

What I mean is you might be one of the ones I work with. But I think continuing to hopefully really make a difference to people through the podcast, through the book, Through my courses, through working 1 to 1, it means the world to me that I get to do this for a job. It's ridiculous that I get to do this for a job, and I am so, so grateful for it. And the other thing that would make 2024 at work brilliant for me is Launching these 2 big things I've got coming up, and those are really helping lots of people. And one of them even, like making some quite substantial shifts for a lot of women. So that's exciting. And what would be the first step to making that happen? I I think probably prerecording some podcast episodes for this fantastic podcast so that I don't have that to do every 2 weeks so that then I'm clear to start my new initiative. I haven't started it yet because I feel like I really need to feel on top of everything in this business before adding a second business.

Carla Miller [00:20:14]:

So there you go. That is the inner workings of my brain. One of the things I've done in the past is to pick a word for the new year. And what could the word for 2024 be? I like possibility. That gets me Excited. It makes me smile, kind of makes my eyes sparkle just thinking about it. And I think probably I've been a little bit closed down and shuttered and could see the lack of possibilities in certain situations. And what I want to do is just open that up And be really open to possibility.

Carla Miller [00:20:49]:

So that is gonna be my word. I wish you and your loved ones A fantastic, happy, and healthy 2024, and I hope that you'll be hanging out here with me on the podcast Every fortnight for the rest of the year. Take care. Thanks for listening to today's episode. If you're not already subscribing, please do so so that you don't miss any future episodes. And if you want to go deeper on the topics that we talk about here on the podcast, on confidence, Self doubt, imposter feelings, increasing your influence, being better at leading, then there are a few avenues that you can take. The simplest is to get yourself a copy of my book, Closing the Influence Gap. If you love this podcast, it is crazy if you don't already own that book because It's got so much of the content from the podcast in a really accessible way and so many practical tools and strategies.

Carla Miller [00:21:48]:

It's basically a practical guide for women leaders who want to be heard in the workplace. You can grab a copy in any bookstore. Now we also run a couple of open programs. We run them once or twice a year each. There is Be Boulder, our 4 week confidence and assertiveness course, which is suitable for women at Any level. And then there's also influence and impact, which is our women's leadership development program. That's a 3 month small group Cohort working closely with me. And then my team and I also work in house in organizations.

Carla Miller [00:22:22]:

Sometimes that's working with women leaders, Whether that's running a whole women's leadership program or running one of our really popular master classes for women leaders, sometimes it's working with early to mid career women where we're often sharing our Be Boulder confidence and assertiveness program. We also offer gender neutral versions of that, which are becoming increasingly popular because Women aren't the only people experiencing confidence challenges. And then finally, we do work with allyship and Supporting men to help bring about gender equity in the workplace as well. So if you are heading up a team or a department within your organization you're responsible for the people function or l and d, and would like To have a chat about how we can work together, I would absolutely love that. And you can go to my website and book a call. Or if it's simpler, head on over to LinkedIn. Let's connect and let's chat there. I would love To take working with you to the next level and help you to become an organization that retains and develops and supports the talented women that work for you.